Quintessential Monu'rabi: Some of my Professors are Monkeys.

According to the Abrahamic faiths, yes all of them, when God created the heavens and the earth and the creatures of the field, He then created man and put him in the garden of Eden with one sole caveat which I shan’t bother to repeat. Adam, as we all (with the possible exception of Richard Dawkins) know, just couldn’t do as he was told and ate the fruit of the forbidden tree, thereby tainting all of us, forever. Some say that the tasty, irresistible fruit lumbered us with self-awareness, shame, excuses and rationalisations. In Nigeria, we call this “speaking grammar”. More correctly, “speaking too much grammar”. Grammar may alternatively be referred to as “speaking English” or “speaking too much English”. Monkeys, on the other hand, didn’t have this problem. I dare say it wasn’t because they were better behaved, or more disciplined than Adam, more likely it was just because God hadn’t imposed the forbidden-fruit constraint on them. Therefore monkeys don’t suffer from “speaking...